Why, why was I chosen?

Another song I woke up to this morning.....

Loneliness is always looking for a friend
It found me once and it has been around since then
Loneliness is never waiting by the door
It sweeps right through and it will never be ignored

I've always been what we in Sweden call a lonely-wolf.
It feels like it found me once and ain't willing to go... just yet I hope.

Loneliness knows everything I keep inside
My endless thoughts in the silence of the night
Loneliness is the one who made me see
Aint nobody else who can make a change but me

No one knows what I feel inside but maybe the lonelikness do,
there's so much maybe that all thoughts ain't dark but most are.
I would never try to take my life or even hurt my life.
I don't see the point that would be quitting and altough I quit alot of things
this is what I'm going to fullfil: Life.

But how do I do the change?
The friends I have is not very social either and my closest friend,
when he's social is often with people I want nothing with and even if I would.
I couldn't fighting is very fysical I'm not.

I have found what only loneliness provides
A strength within knowing I will find

The best part of the song... Brians voice is always convincing.
I want this part and I'm seacthing cause I will find....

What hurts the most.

Little you hurt yourself today
listening to Hurt you to want to feel
but the only feeling is the self-hate
why can't this just end you think
so you bleed some more
and the red steel is so cold

The pain hits me instead
cause I know if it's hurting you
then it's hurting me
from far away comes the hurt
the deep cuts in you your skin
inside me i bleed but not blood

All I want is to be there
ask you "Who did this?"
the mirror you'll say
and I'll break it into pieces
cause I know those seven years of woe
is nothing now that I'm with you

But what hurts the most
is my complete failure
to reach these arms out for you
the one I think about forever
and ever until the night comes
and my dreams take me to you
to see your forced smile with cute lips

Dreams where I can be the one you need
where everyting in this awful world
but like everything in this cruel world
the dreams end and I'm back here
with my superhero custom and no powers

It's hard to loose you everywhere I go.

You Are So Beautiful (To Me)

So I like music, or do I?
I'm after all listening to Westlife which you either love or hate from what I've understand. And the critics do hate them, and they're the one getting paid for it so?

Anyways the Love Album is a great collection of songs which they've covered magnifically. It's from 2006 so it's been out for a while but I've noticed until I saw more and more songs coming out. They've done covers before, the Against all odds with Mariah Carrey was amazing. I wonder if there's any bad version of that song really.

And I can't even start to begin to wonder if there's anyone that don't have a song on this album which they've loved. At least once in their life, with a broken heart... or whenever else they could be fitting. I know my first meeting with Total Eclipse of the heart was with the new commersialism trance (we call it dance) album Replay who had a "hardcore" cover of it. The reason I say "hardcore" is that it was cool and loud back then. You couldn't go by and don't hear it and it's line:

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart

the first song that came to Sweden from this album The Rose is that song you hated at gradeschool playing on the music. I was stupid back then, what a song.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance

I'll come back to that line another day, cause it's everything to me...

The amazingly funny serie My Name is Earl also have a feeling for the original Air Supply song All out of Love which also is represented on the album. It's a funny seen with Randy a big stupid character in the show holds a old radio to the chest and the song playing out loud crying. Feelings...

The best line is though:

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts

It's from the intro and it describes my days so well.
This Saturday for example, I've never had problem staying up late, I'm the neonlight child that's my time of the day but thinking of her so much as I did that night. Well I got really tired and fell asleep really early.
And like today woke up at nineish and I didn't even have the time to watch the clock before she was in my mind. She's been there alot recently. I think I like it but it tears me apart to. Thinking what I should say what I want her respsonse to be...

But since I know she'll never give me those answers I'll never give her those questions.

Alone

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight

She's got a life now, I'll never have one.
It's not that I don't want to it's just that I don't know how.

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone

I've always liked beeing alone, it's like... so free of demands.
I'll have to do what I like (used to?) absolutely nothing...
and I also only have to depend on myself and only me can dissapoint myself.

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited

Known you for more than 18 months now.
Altough I probably was in love with someone else I can't say I've never felt nothing for her.
Maybe on different levels though....

How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone, alone

Words don't come easy to me

I've always been shy.
I don't know why and how I became shy.
None of my parents are shy, maybe my dad were I don't know.
Maybe I have to work with it to. But when will I...
I think I became shy because everyone was always doing those things for me, I never had the chance to practice the anti-shy social skills.

Anyways... I like that word, if it even is a word.
But since I'm the only one supposed to read this (to one day remind me) I'll still use it how much I want to ;)
WHAT A REBEL! :O

Anyway less off-topic...

This anxciety seems more or less like my shyness.
I'm afraid to say the wrong words...

And I'm playing as I'm writing these so I guess i forgot half of what I should have written and even the song I listened to which had such a fitting quote.

Well more tomorrow... when I'm no longer a teenager... scary.

You're the voice try to understand it.

I don't usually go up this early but school is after all school and is good for me.
Anyways I use your voice to soothen and calm me these days, recorded miles away but the feeling reaches me here... and then passes by to the one it was meant for.

Anyway love your voice girl, one day I will tell you so you can't deny it.

Derivative of my happiness.

So another week of the only things that is true... math.

But it learnt me a new term, word or whatever.
From an almost veritcal coefficient to well... it used to be positive most of the time.
Well it was always steady heading upwards since I met, lay may eyes on her (still haven't even met, stupid boy).
Now I don't know what's happening, am I sad or am I happy do I feel sorrow or joy?
Feeelings, they're deep inside. I couldn't even feel any of those if I wanted to I guess.

But I do know I think about you alot baby, even though you want me not to :(

"Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head..."