Words don't come easy to me

I've always been shy.
I don't know why and how I became shy.
None of my parents are shy, maybe my dad were I don't know.
Maybe I have to work with it to. But when will I...
I think I became shy because everyone was always doing those things for me, I never had the chance to practice the anti-shy social skills.

Anyways... I like that word, if it even is a word.
But since I'm the only one supposed to read this (to one day remind me) I'll still use it how much I want to ;)
WHAT A REBEL! :O

Anyway less off-topic...

This anxciety seems more or less like my shyness.
I'm afraid to say the wrong words...

And I'm playing as I'm writing these so I guess i forgot half of what I should have written and even the song I listened to which had such a fitting quote.

Well more tomorrow... when I'm no longer a teenager... scary.

You're the voice try to understand it.

I don't usually go up this early but school is after all school and is good for me.
Anyways I use your voice to soothen and calm me these days, recorded miles away but the feeling reaches me here... and then passes by to the one it was meant for.

Anyway love your voice girl, one day I will tell you so you can't deny it.

Derivative of my happiness.

So another week of the only things that is true... math.

But it learnt me a new term, word or whatever.
From an almost veritcal coefficient to well... it used to be positive most of the time.
Well it was always steady heading upwards since I met, lay may eyes on her (still haven't even met, stupid boy).
Now I don't know what's happening, am I sad or am I happy do I feel sorrow or joy?
Feeelings, they're deep inside. I couldn't even feel any of those if I wanted to I guess.

But I do know I think about you alot baby, even though you want me not to :(

"Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head..."

T minus 7

So in 7 deven says im reaching the big two-O.
It frightens me, I've accomplished nothing of what I thought I would have when I was younger.
I didn't know what then, I don't know now either though.

Anyways, 7 days is like forever these days so who knows?

It's easier to live alone than fear that life is over...

So much have happened or not I can't decide whatnot.

I've moved, sitting here looking over my little town.
This little shit town as some would say with 30,000 inhabitants I would say it's rather huge on paper but it feels like im stuck. I'm not ever gonna find my way out of here.

I've had some... one party... still I can not stop stop this feeling for the girl I thight I was over. I don't love her, I don't like her, just think that she's stunnigly beautiful... and rather drunk most of the times ;)

More then one week to my birthday... more about that tomorrow I guess.

"I see you walking hand in hand with long haired drummer of the band in love with her or so it seems. He's dancing with my beauty queen."

I'm not numb yet.... a song once again.

Still i can't help thinkign couldn't I've become numbed instead?

Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I don't take any steps at the moment, and it feels so waste.
But what can I say? This is no game to me I believe in what I feel.
Unfortunately, else new year would have ended different :p

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I'm failing this time again.
But there's so much I want to know....

Am I just fooling myself hat she'll stop the pain?

Patrick Swayzes monsterhit back in the days is climbing the charts once again and I can't help falling for it. It's insane how it hits me that the text could be me or maybe I just want it to...

I look in the mirror
And all I see
Is a young old man
With only a dream
Am I just fooling myself
That she'll stop the pain?
Living without her
I'd go insane

Chorus:
Feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can't look in her eyes
She's out of my league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs
She's like the wind
The bold thing in the text is a funny thing.
Always felt like I maybe was an old young man when I was growing up and people often called me that.
I wonder if they wouldn't sya the opposite if they met and/or knew me today.